I don’t know about anyone else, but this past year I have felt unbelievably bogged down, worried about the details of the next day and the one after that and on and on. I think part of it is just being in my late 20s.. a significant amount of it can be attributed to the bad attitude of the entire 2016 year.. s/o to the Election for that one.
Everything and everyone is so fixated on “what’s next” no one cares about what’s now… and why should they be… they can just go look at what they were posting about “on this day” for years to come… but that is no way to live, at least not for me. We live for lists.
I have become acutely aware in the past 12 months that life is less “ours for the taking” and more “ours for the taking pictures of” or videos or snaps.. you get the idea, and I am technologically exhausted.
Some of my most vivid remembrances of my childhood were never captured with a camera but rather imprinted in my memories to relive as often as I want… like the time I thought I was going to be a professional skater and took off down the driveway only to fly through the air and land flat on my behind. I remember the off-pink color of the wheels of my Barbie roller skates, being glad I had on jeans so I didn’t scrape my legs up, feeling the pavement as I pushed my hands against it to stand back up and try it all over again… and that was almost 20 years ago.
More recently I got married, and a funny thing happened; I found that my vibrant memory had been replaced with looking at everyone else’s photos and snaps. Taking for granted that the experience was once in a lifetime. It wasn’t a conscious decision to stop taking life in for every detail it had to offer.. it is almost as if a memory has become obsolete. Why take to heart what someone can take a picture of?
I do remember parts of my wedding in vivid detail, and I found myself getting angry at the photographer for not capturing those moments, almost as if I needed there to be a picture of it to validate that the moment had occurred.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE looking through pictures and commiserating about past experiences. What I am less comfortable with is replacing actively taking in my life with passively living through photos.
I want to keep remembering what I experience, the unique way I take in what is going on around me.
Gone are the days of doing something because that what we want to do, it is almost expected that we gain other people’s approval in order to feel good about an accomplishment…